this boy

this boy is my first born.  he made me a mother.  i love him more than words can describe.  those green eyes are mesmerizing. 
he was a pretty easy baby even if i didn't realize it at the time.  i was 32 when i had him.  my whole life, all i ever wanted was to get married and have babies.  i didn't expect to have him so quickly after rob and i got married but that's what happened and i was overjoyed.  i worked as a sixth grade teacher and knew that once i became a mother, i wouldn't be going back to work (at least not for many years).  i wanted to stay home and take care of my babies.  almost 11 years later and i'm still not back to teaching.  i consider myself lucky and priveleged to be able to be a mother and to focus all my time and efforts on taking good care of my family (except the days when i don't but we all have days like that)!

this is the scream costume i referred to in my earlier halloween post.  you see, my son has a way of getting what he wants.  he is relentless persistent.  i could no more talk him out of this costume then i could convince him that the moon is made of cheese (he's too smart to believe that one!).  

he loves to make people laugh.  his humor tends toward the bathroom sort (as with most 10 year old boys) but he actually has a great sense of (more mature) humor too.  and he has the best belly laugh - always has.  When he was 4 or 5 months old, he would just laugh and laugh.  people used to comment on it then and he still has the same belly-laugh now if you can get him going. 

 this is is sister.  they are 18 months apart. i wanted my kids close together so they could grow up together as best friends.  when they were younger, they were very close.  now they have their battles but i know there is love there.  "the boy"  especially likes to make her laugh.  she finds him incredibly more funny than he actually is sometimes but i think she wants to give him what he wants.  their relationship isn't always what i envisioned but it is theirs.  and they do love each other.  when maggie got her ears pierced this summer, he was very concerned it was going to hurt her.  he kept saying, "i think i'll wait outside" or "do you think it's really going to hurt.  is she going to cry?"
not the "is she going to cry?" because he would enjoy it but because he really didn't want to see her hurt.
i have great hope for their relationship and i know as they get older, they will enjoy having each other to talk to, go to for advice, and maybe even unite in their shared embarrassment over their parents! 

this is a picture of them when we brought maggie home from the hospital.  he was very cautiously intrigued.  he was a great big brother and i know hope someday, he will embrace that role again.

my mattman, as we like to call him, is very sensitive.  he feels things deeply but doesn't always know how to express his feelings.  sometimes, this means he can be moody, or grumpy, or emotional and we don't always know why.

this year was a hard one for him.  he lost his nana on january 1.  i remember when i got the call to go to the hospital on new year's eve.  things looked bad and my sister and dad were on their way.  i hung up the phone - it was late, almost 9 o'clock (late for us anyway, even if it was new year's eve).  we had planned to go up early in the morning to meet with her doctors but they called to let us know we should come right away.  i tried to hold it together in front of him but he could see on my face something was wrong.  he started to cry and i told him it would be okay.  i hated to leave him upset but i had to go quickly so rob stayed home to be with matt (maggie was at a friend's house)

my mom passed away in the early hours of new year's day.  i got home at around 4 and went to bed.  i heard matt wake up and run downstairs and i heard him start to cry.  of course he asked about nana right away and rob broke the news.  he was heartbroken.  we hugged a lot and cried a lot.

he was so good over the next few days.  he wore whatever i told him for the wake and funeral (and he's usually very fussy about his clothes).  things were chaotic, people coming and going, and the kids being shuffled around a lot as we made the arrangements.  
his first ever wake and funeral was for his beloved nana.  it's a lot for anyone to take.  all this came just days before his 10th birthday.  after the funeral, and all the company had left, i realized i hadn't planned anything for his birthday which was just 1 day after the funeral.  i quickly got a cake and wrapped his presents (which thankfully i already had) and we celebrated his special day.  
he happily blew out the candles and opened his gifts.  there was a huge void without my mom there but we all got through it.  i hate that his 10th birthday was somewhat of an afterthought but i love that he never made me feel bad or complained, my sweet boy.

this boy also loves baseball, wearing shorts (no matter what the weather), and the beach.  here he is last easter wearing his baseball uniform (notice the shorts).  he's a great pitcher and helped his team win the league championship last year.  he's very hard on himself and has trouble accepting a compliment yet will tell you he's the best at everything ; ) the boy is a mass of contradictions!

this summer, we scattered some of mom's ashes at the beach where she grew up and we vacation every year.  it was a sad day and matt wandered off by himself to skip rocks.  he was very proud to tell me he had taught nana how to skip rocks (i think she may have already known but she humored him).  i hope he always remembers her and how she loved him.  how she listened to him and knew him so well.  the fun games she made up, the little gifts and cards she always gave.  

and i hope he knows how much he is loved, how special he is, how he changed my world and stole my heart from the first moment.  meg's baby boy - i will always love you!