Happy New Year

here i am, up early on new year's day 2014.  i didn't spend last night celebrating at a party or nice restaurant. i didn't even make it until midnight (although matt did and he made sure to yell "2014" at the stroke of midnight and startle me out of my slumber).  truth be told, i was a little sad yesterday.  
i've never been a big fan of new year's eve.  i love the fresh start that the new year brings but the actual celebration of it has always been a little disappointing.  coupled with the fact that 2 years ago, we lost my precious mom on january 1, new year's eve just doesn't hold that much promise for me.  

this past year has had highs and lows.  i miss my mom more than ever.  my dad sold their house and we packed him up and moved him into an apartment close to me.  one more piece of my mom that i had to say goodbye to.  my kids are a little older, i have a middle schooler now.  they are both a little more independent and self-sufficient.  there's freedom in that for me but also sadness that i'm not needed as much as i once was.  

my husband has worked harder this year than ever (and i didn't think that was even possible).  his business has grown and we are more financially secure thanks to him.  we took a great vacation in april to sanibel florida but skipped our annual trip to matunuck, partially due to busier schedules. 
on the homefront, we've made some progress on completing the garage, hosted family for a 75th birthday party for my father-in-law, and i've renewed my teaching certificate so hopefully, i will be back in the classroom this year.  

this coming year, more than anything, i want to put my health first.  not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally.  i want to make healthy choices in all areas of my life.  fact is, i can be easily disappointed.  i expect a lot from people (at least that's what i'm told) and am often disappointed when people let me down.  they might not even know they've let me down (because i wouldn't want to tell anyone they've hurt me and make them feel bad!) but i get my feelings hurt easily.  i take on my kids hurts and disappointments and can't quite let go of them. they get over them a lot faster than i do!  

 i've come to realize that there are some people in my life who just make me feel bad. i can't quite explain why but i walk away feeling unsettled or unhappy about myself.  and why do i need to be around people like that?  because we have a past?  because our kids are friends?  it just isn't worth it to me anymore and this year, i only want to surround myself with people who make me feel good.  life is too short for anything else.  

i can't change my basic nature.  i'm a pleaser.  i like to help people and make them happy.  but if it comes at the expense of my own happiness, and i feel resentful about it later, it isn't worth it.  certainly there are things in life you do just because it's the right thing to do.  you put others needs above your own and you make sacrifices for those you love.  but if you're always the one making the sacrifices, if you're always the one going out of your way and you don't feel good about it, then it's probably not worth it. there are plenty of opportunities to do good and help others that are appreciated and would be reciprocated if the tables were turned.  that's where i want to focus my energies. i don't ask a lot from people and i always try to put myself in others' shoes. but sometimes, i think i give the benefit of the doubt a little too much.  
so my goal for this year is to make healthy choices - for my family, for my body, for my mental well being.  

here's to a healthy 2014!